My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
