i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
