I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
