So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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