Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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