Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
