My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
