you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
