btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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