You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
