It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My boob is missing a layer of skin
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
