How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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