we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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