Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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