whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
