no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
