It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
