I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
