the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
