i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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