the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
