You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
