I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
