I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
