Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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