I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
