Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
