Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
