his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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