She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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