Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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