the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
