I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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