my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
