The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize