I wish life had little blips of pornography
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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