how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
