it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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