Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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