I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize