oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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