Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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