We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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