literally had 100 drinks last night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
