Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
