New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
