If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
