i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
