I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
BRING THE BAGELS
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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