the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
