just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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