one two three fourrrrnication!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
