I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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