if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
