the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
