just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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