Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize