I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
