I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
