WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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