I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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