i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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