It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
