I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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