I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize