mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
