I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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