I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
