; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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