just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
