No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
